mar. 4th, '24 — removed dream journal and tech page due to inactive use. considering remodeling the site again for more simplicity.

feb. 11, '24 — finally wrote something for my writing page [gasp]. updated music obsession.

feb. 10, '24 — new art added to the digital art page. new journal entries. created the dream journal page.

feb. 9, '24 — new journal entry. created the 'tech' page, which i may or may not keep up.

feb. 7, '24 — new journal entry. updated writing page.

feb. 5, '24 — new journal entry. updated the art page and astrology page.

feb. 3, '24 — added a disclaimer for the bookshelf page and credit for the lace borders cuz i forgot.

feb. 2, '24 — bookshelf page created. new astrology entry. updated current music obsession. small tweaks on other pages.

jan. 28, '24 — new journal entry.

jan. 27, '24 — updated the shrine page, which is still a WIP. new journal entry.

jan. 26, '24 — created the astrology page.

jan. 25, '24 — updated the music page and the about page.

jan. 24, '24 — added a music page that got a bit verbose. 🗿 i ain't taking it down tho. oh, and new journal entry, fixed the 'before you enter' page, and added mobile adaptability.

jan. 22, '24 — version 2.0 launched. super happy for what i did, took the whole weekend to build it.

thank you to Simon @ Solaria for the lace borders and tutorial.

current music obsession

last edited: february 4th, 2024

Go Back

working up the courage to be responsible (in real time)

january 24th, 2024

currently listening to: Drool by It Looks Sad.

i impulsively bought mario kart 8 for my nintendo switch and it's all i've been playing before i go to bed. i've also been replaying Legend of Zelda: BOTW, but it's a bit slower paced compared to the video games i've grown used to playing. Modern Warfare rotted my brain, but it's worth it to piss off he assholes on that game. i'm only good at multiplayer though. i hate playing DMZ.

i just wrote the most verbose thing for my music page. i didn't mean for it to come out the way that it did, but i didn't want my music page to just be full of embeded playlists and songs and videos. i kind of hated talking about my past though, particularly the time period between middle school and now, only because its so fucking exhausting to think about and no one cares anyway. luckily, i managed to keep it brief. thats one thing i hated about college. for some reason, all of my professors were so obssessed with assigning shit that required you to spill your guts out for them. all your trauma, all your hardships. in grade shcool, it was the english teachers that did this the most. i think they only do that because they want some drama to read. makes their job more fun i guess. i'd rather keep it to myself at this point. i've vented about my past and trauma so many times online and to my friends, basically anyone who would listen or pretend to. but i don't want to do that anymore. you can't grow and move beyond your trauma if you keep thinking about it. you accept it, embrace all you feelings, then move the fuck on. i hate thinking about school more than i hate thinking about my shitty past.

my sleep schedule is shit, too. i haven't had a proper night's rest since the 13th and i've basically been sleeping all day, staying up all night. it's nearly 6am and i've done nothing the past two weeks but sit at my computer writing and coding and listening to music. it's not all that bad, but i need some sun. and i still need to clean my room. it's a mess. i need to do a lot of things, like write or paint or draw or finish those udemy courses i bought a few months back but forgot about. still need to figure out that whole microbachelor's program i told myself i was going to do.

i'll figure it out in the morning after i finally go out on a walk, get some sun instead of taking vitamin D tablets and not leaving my house for months on end (again.) it's hard not slipping back into my old hikikomori habits. my city may not be walkable but it's either walk along side the freeway like a freak or stay indoors 24/7 and risk another cabin fever-esque breakdown.

anyway, i still need to finish my fan fic, too. i've been stuck in a rut because i felt that the brief outline i had for the next chapter was too melodramatic and distrupted the pacing so far, so i've been trying to brainstorm a work around. possibly omitting some important scenes but then im worried it might get too mundane and boring. there's a part of me that just wants to say "fuck it" and go ahead with my plan, shamelessly cringe and all, but something is holding me back. i haven't even opened the document that holds the fan fic. i've dedicated over 60k words to this shit so far so i mean, i might as well finish it too, regardles sof the quality. this is another character flaw of mine, i think. my apprehension toward messing up, being wrong, being cringe, and perfectionism. there's like a sense of permanence putting shit online gives me, cuz it is kind of permanent. like we have web crawlers constantly taking our shit and archiving it on internet archive, so we're all immortalized in a way. there's nothing stopping me from editing the fic though. there's nothing stopping me from doing anything i want to do. i gotta keep reminding myself this. no one cares. that's amazing.

also my shoulder hurts and im hungry. these two things are unrelated. i think i might rewatch whiplash while i eat breakfast and wait for the sun to come up. then i'll take a walk, maybe bring my cat with me, then sit outside for a bit, too, and finally open that document. i'll report back later with my findings. it's been almost 3 months since i read anything i wrote for that fic so it might be interesting.