October 25 2024
idk what im even talking about
im really aprehensive abt linking my socials on my site (as well as linking my site anywhere at all) cuz my site is mean to be an almost private aspect of my online experience. and like even tho i don't even put anything on here that's controversial or anything, i think my journal entries can be very candid when my emotions are high. so if the wrong people come across my site, especially those that don't use neocities, its like... im scared of how they're going to percieve me or possibly misunderstand me or misconstrue my words. i still use mainstream social media, mostly instagram and tiktok, but even then it's like im just stopping by to see whats up, and everyone that seems to be real active users of those places are actually insane. i don't want them on my site. neocities has a pretty good community and everyone ive met thru here has been level headed, like i don't feel any anxiety posting here like i do on other socials. but it is what it is.
my head hurts so fucking bad rn. i think i might be dehydrated or something
anyway, i've been trying to open up more instead of being in my shell. i feel like around this time of year, from late autumn to late winter, i go a little crazy and i feel like i have to isolate so i dont say some dumb shit. i swear every year it happens and its like whooo was i during the winter? why do i act so weird. i feel so normal until winter comes. idk how to describe it.
i'm also kinda obsessed with my new painting. i still want to work more traditionally but i love digital art too much to not do it. its always gonna be my primary medium of art, idgaf about ai anymore "taking over art." i do art cuz i basically need to for my enrichment as a human being or else i want to kill myself.
here is close up
this is my oc, ace, i think i finally nailed his face cuz hes been a little hard for me to draw, tho i do want to make some changes as he gets older. (he's like 16 in this in my mind.) i mostly draw my other oc, Isaac, cuz Isaac and i are so similar he might as well be my alter ego or something. isaac is me, i am him. i understand him more than any of my other characters.
i NEED to fix the fucking lighting tho. its too sunny. i wanted it to be like very early morning, because in Tyvia, it's so north that half the year is spent in a polar night, so they don't get much sun. it could be like 10am or something and the sun is still at the horizon. also, i wanted the sun to be hidden behind the trees and the light be diffused and muted. idk ill show some examples of what im trying to go for. this is what i get for rushing !!! i also just got confused with the colors cuz i dont want my paintings to be desaturated, but i havent figured out how to keep good saturation while also decreasing the brightness/luminosity.
examples:
lighting is one of my absolute favourite things to paint, oh my god. its like once i started toying with shadows and different light sources and colors, i feel like my skills improved astronomically.
i still think i have a lot to work on, but i do really like how i paint lighting and shadows. its so fun. its so satisfying. i love how it builds up atmosphere. lighting on skin too, is so pretty. the subsurface scattering, the way shadows curve and bend, the highlights, the hue shifts. im gonna claw my face off just thinking about it. i need to go paint now and fix it. i have my painting open in front of me on the other screen, it's like begging me to come back and work on it some more. im so ready to grind this weekend.
speaking of grinding, apparently black ops 6 came out, i should probably play that too, i guess.
im recording my painting process so i should be able to post a video about it when its done.
goodbye ill prob be back later or something, im going to get water now.